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Happy Life | Reconnecting
Let's be honest... the day in and day out of a 'normal life' can really be taxng on ANY relationship.... You go to work in the morning -- maybe talk a couple times throughout the day... get home - cook - shower - do the 'daily' tasks you 'have' to get done... and then lastly.. if there's time.. maybe spend some time together... and most likely, you're doing so while you're on the phone scrolling through facebook.
That's the ugly truth... and it's the ugly truth for most of us.
For me... I am VERY aware - that my number one love language is quality time.
I can NOT live a HAPPY LIFE with the kind of day-to-day as I described above. I just can't... and I know that I can't. It's very clear when I'm stuck in this 'normal routine' because I start to pull away and I shut down.
I HATE shutting down emotionally mostly because I hate it when OTHERS shut down -- I'm left on the outside banging on the door trying to get back in and feeling like I have NO CLUE what I did wrong - so I try to be very aware of how I'm acting and treating others so they don't feel that way too... I also hate shutting down because I just feel YUCKY on the inside -- I feel resentment creeping up... angry for no reason.. and the longer I allow myself to shut down, I start getting mad over things like... the way Chase eats.. ha - seriously! So as soon as I see this behavior creep up -- I immediately know I need to talk and reconnect.
I'll be honest.. there are days where I've asked Chase to take off work -- use vacation -- not get paid.. I didn't care. I just NEEDED time with him.
I needed to reconnect.
Having a love language of quality time - doesn't mean that I need crazy adventure in my life... it's just that I simply need INTENTIONAL time together.... we can sit and watch tv (which we rarely EVER do) -- take walks -- eat a meal together -- or even TALK to each other.
But those simple things can be really difficult when the only time you see one another is during the 'destress' period of the evening -- you know what I'm talking about... where you're still amped up and overwhelmed from the day -- you feel the weight of all of the stuff you still have to get done around the house -- you have to shower, and you just want to have some 'alone time' too.
So how in the world can you reconnect -- some relationships are working on years of being disconnected... it can be such a daunting task.
How do you fall back in love with each other?!?!
My first piece of advice is for each of you to find out what your love language is -- and if you taken this test before... RETAKE IT -- especially if it was a while ago... we change and so do our needs in a relationship.... after you've taken this you need to figure out how you SHOW love -- because you may not be showing love how your partner needs to receive love... and vice versa -- this is SO important in a healthy marriage -- understanding how our partner NEEDS love.
Chase shows love with acts of service... and although I appreciate ALLLLLLL that he does -- I could care less if the dishes are done, I'd rather him come hold my hand.... and I'm sure Chase could care less about the new gift I'm surprising him with -- because he just wants me to makeout with him =)
The second piece of advice I have for you -- is to change something if what you're doing isn't working.... so for me -- I know that I can't go a long period of time without TRUE intentional time with Chase... so we will do whatever it takes to make that happen..... because we know that's what we need for a happy life.... if your spouse needs you to start doing some things around the house to feel loved --- then figure out some things that s/he does every day, and do it before they can... maybe they feel obligated to do the dishes every night and they usually have to ask you to do them when they need help... why don't you start doing them before you're even asked... and don't even expect a thank you.... if your spouse needs physical affection to feel loved, why don't you scratch his/her back for 30 minutes every day.
I promise you that these little things will have a HUGE impact on your relationship... understand how you and your partner need and give love -- and make the necessary changes to live a happy life =)